


Minecraft, But It's Broom Hockey

by Goldstone_Wolf



Series: Dream Team Fics (Lol So Original) [22]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (I guess?) - Freeform, Anyways, Based on Real Events, Broom Hockey, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dream jumps over a person, Everyone Loves Ranboo, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Food mentions, Gen, Hockey, Hot Chocolate, Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ice, If you have a thing against someone throwing tables at someone else avoid the post story notes, Implied/Referenced Abandonment, Mentions of Violence, Parkour, Peaches - Freeform, Phil rips his pants, Platonic Relationships, Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), References to Canon, Respect Content Creators' Boundaries, See I call it that but honestly, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Sort of? - Freeform, Sports, There's a Lot of Crashing into Things, Those last four are mentioned only, Tiny Amount of Whump, Tommy jumps over a person, also watch the videos you will crack up, and people, and then a bunch of bears following a werebear around, because I've seen people break their fingers playing this game, being smacked into a wall is nothing, blood mentions, but happy ones, but like platonically - Freeform, but they show up for like two lines, chicken strips, cinnamon, frost - Freeform, i forgot how weird they were, lol how do you tag this, minor character injury, my crackfics involve a snail and someone getting bitchslapped by a grandma, or you will lose your kneecaps and elbows, soft, specifically, tws for:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28607367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldstone_Wolf/pseuds/Goldstone_Wolf
Summary: The server plays a game of broom hockey. Things turn crazy, but in a good way.
Relationships: Eret & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Platonic ones, Ranboo & Everyone, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Ranboo & Wilbur Soot, because that is rude, or those uncomfortable with shipping, you can read some as ship just not with the minors
Series: Dream Team Fics (Lol So Original) [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012464
Comments: 19
Kudos: 229
Collections: Ranboo Is Best Boi





	Minecraft, But It's Broom Hockey

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been sitting here basically being the popping cat meme trying to come up with a story idea other than “gay love story” and “science and spells” because that’s great but I need more than that. In the meantime—  
> Tws in tags, as always (don’t worry, most of this is fluff, but food mentions are a thing and I’ve seen bloody knuckles and bruised bodies after broom hockey matches). Anyways, every year my youth group went to Hume for winter camp. We can’t do that this year, due to COVID, and unfortunately this is my last year as I graduate in June. (But if I have the chance and can convince my spouse, when I get married I want to spend some time there because I’m gay and I need one more black wrist band to make the nonbinary gayclet grouping, damnit.) So, to overdramatically mourn part of my childhood, I decided to put my memories to paper and write some fluff.  
> Read parts as shippy if you want, I really don’t care. If the content creators are uncomfortable, I’ll change this to another fandom (the concept will not change, just characters and dynamics) and remove this version. Don’t shove this in the creators’ faces, but if they end up finding this—hello! Hope you enjoy some fluff, feel free to read this on stream if you want I don’t mind.   
> Anyways, if you want to know what Hume broom hockey is, look up “Hume Lake Broom Hockey Baby” on YouTube. I also suggest “Sweeping Our Time Away”. The staff are goofballs and remind me of the SMP (and the Hermits as well; with the latter video, it gives me very much Impulse and Tango vibes and I literally started working on a Hermitcraft version of this so…keep an eye out). PLEASE watch them before you read the fic, I am begging you.

Team One: _The Isle of Dream_ (Blue Brooms, White Helmets)

Dream George Sapnap Bad

Skeppy Minx Fundy Antfrost

+

Team Two: _Now He Can’t Breathe~_ (Yellow Brooms, Black Helmets)

Techno Wilbur Tommy Tubbo

Eret Niki Ranboo Quackity

+

Referees:

Phil Karl Schlatt

+

“Guys—I’ve n-never been on ice before.” Ranboo forced out, clinging onto the edge of the rink. The others were sliding around almost effortlessly, graceful and definitely not about to—oh, no, wait, Skeppy had just fallen on his face. Okay, maybe Ranboo could—

Nope. No, definitely not.

The second he felt his legs slipping out underneath him like some kind of newborn foal, Ranboo went right back to clinging to the edge of the rink. “Gu _ys_ …” There was a petulant tone to his voice. Sliding to a stop in his Converse, Tommy glanced back. “I need _heeelllpppp.”_

“Oh, come here you big baby.” Eret teased, sliding over and looping one of his arms underneath Ranboo’s. Helping him up, they laughed and shook their head. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Ranboo slid out on the ice like Buddy the Elf on the escalator for the first time, nearly doing the splits and halfway to tears the whole time. “I don’t know what I’m _doiiinng_ someone _heeellllppp pleaaase.”_ Maybe he sounded pathetic. Petulant. Like a baby. But ice was _frozen water_ and he didn’t _like water it hurt._ “Guuuuu _yyyys_ ss _s_.”

“It’s okay, it’s not going to hurt you, Ranboo.” Eret reassured, gently helping him stand again. Clinging to them, Ranboo looked at them with something almost comically terrified. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“Why are we out here. I want to go home.” It wasn’t questions coming from Ranboo’s mouth. It was begging. Demands, Facts. “Please. I just want to go home and curl up in the blankets.”

“Welp, Ranboo, too bad,” Minx started from the other side of the rink, cocking her blue broom over one shoulder like she was Dream with his axe. Chuckling darkly, Sapnap focused a wicked grin on Ranboo, who cowered even more.

Sending them all a glare, Phil scolded, “Behave, all of you.” Beside him, Schlatt was helping Karl limp out onto the ice. _At least I’m not the only one struggling,_ Ranboo mused, almost relieved. “Alright. Ranboo, just a review of the rules—”

“Oh, are we showing him the videos?” Tommy asked, perking up immediately.

“No.” Phil shot back, and Tommy and Tubbo both visibly pouted. Most of the others shared the same sentiment, apparently. “We don’t have the time. Alright, Ranboo. Keep the gloves on, we don’t want you to hurt your knuckles and these brooms get painful.”

“Seriously.” Dream sighed, leaning on his and running a hand through his hair. Sapnap hipchecked him, and he stumbled to the side.

“No feet, no hands on the puck. Try not to kill each other. Don’t lift the stick above your waist, and don’t aim for people’s faces.”

“Although jumping over people is allowed!” Tommy jumped in, and everyone looked at Dream. Scratching the back of his neck, the masked man chuckled.

“Yeah, that was a fun year.”

“I still can’t believe you jumped over _Tango! Tango!_ That guy’s a champion of broom hockey.” Tommy jumped in, and Dream laughed again.

“Small Hobo Potatoes for the win!” Techno cheered, and everyone started laughing. _He jumped over someone?_

There was a clap of a hand on his back, sending him nearly sprawling on the ice until Niki caught him. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll be fine.” She reassured, eyes shining like frost in sunlight. “Can’t do worse than Wilbur did.”

“Oh, I thought we were going to let that go.” Wilbur sighed, and everyone broke up again. Holding his broom nervously, Ranboo glanced around. “I grabbed the wrong skid guards.”

“Oh! Ranboo! Watch this—Tubbo, throw the puck.” Tubbo shot the puck, a little orange thing, across the ice. Racing after it, Tommy dropped onto his knees, skidded, and smacked it with the broom. It shot right back, and Wilbur smacked it before passing it to Techno, who sent it right behind Dream’s back in between the two cones marking the goals.

“Hey, that’s not fair, we don’t have our goalie up.”

“As long as Phil doesn’t rip his pants again!” Phil shot a scowl at his son and then rolled his eyes, turning and briefing Schlatt and Karl on whatever it was that they’d be doing. A chill settled over Ranboo, and he swallowed nervously before letting Eret and Tommy gently guide him towards where the team needed him to be.

“Don’t worry, Ranboo.” Tubbo slid up, knocking hips with him playfully. Turning, Ranboo met his gaze, and Tubbo started talking again. “this is just meant for fun, whatever the more…competitive members of the server might say. And also,” he clapped a hand on Ranboo’s shoulder, eyes going cold. “Let’s crush them.”

“You wish, child!” Sapnap fired back, skidding into place and landing on his knees in the goalie box. Quackity did the same on the _Now He Can’t Breathe~_ side of the rink. Rolling his shoulders, he braced his hands on his knees, yellow-bristled broom in his hand.

Ranboo swallowed, and Dream and Techno took up lead spots. George and Ant flanked Dream, Minx and Fundy on the sides and Bad and Skeppy closer to Sapnap. Tommy and Wilbur slid into side, passing a joke between each other and Tommy making an impressive twirl of his broom. Phil slid in with the puck, placed it between Dream and Techno and slammed a foot down on it. Karl and Schlatt had taken up the right and left sides respectively, watching from the side. Some of the other SMP members who weren’t playing, Sam and Punz and Purpled and Puffy, were watching from the sidelines. Comparing positions, Ranboo was in the same spot as Fundy, Eret across from him with Niki and Tubbo taking up…guards?

Sliding back, Phil whistled loudly, and everyone started moving.

“Whoo! Go Dream Team!” Punz cheered, and Dream shot towards Ranboo. Yelping, he smacked at the puck with the broom and then felt the wind knock itself from his lungs as Minx and Fundy bashed into him. Eret dodged in, skidded around them and fired towards Wilbur. Catching effortlessly, Wilbur slammed his shoulder into Ant, kept the broom on top of the puck, and then fired between George’s legs to Tommy—

Dream caught it.

Sweeping around, the speedrunner dodged back, snatched the puck from Techno’s grasp, and fired for Quackity. Lunging across the ice, Quackity caught it and sent it sliding back towards Eret, who shot it to Tommy. Caught against the wall, he fired it to Wilbur and then disappeared in a pile of limbs as George, Ant, Minx, and Eret, who were all sliding too fast to backpedal, slammed into him. There were a few grunts, but otherwise everyone seemed fine. Within moments, Tommy was charging back into the fray, skidding on his knees and taking Fundy out before the fox could reach the puck.

“Hey, I said not to kill each other!” Phil snapped, and Schlatt laughed where he was perched on the wall, eating popcorn and talking casually with Purpled. Karl ducked around, sliding effortlessly considering his progress earlier.

Snagging the puck, Techno fired to Wilbur, shared a glance with his brother and passed some kind of message. The next thing Ranboo knew, though, Dream had moved in between and intersected the puck…and was barrelling towards him. _No. No. Nope no no heck what do I do—_ Dream was on him in a second, and Ranboo mindlessly swept in front of him. Something heavy—Dream—smacked into him and they both went skidding. Hard wood—the rink’s wall—smacked into his back and he felt a dull _thud_ as his helmet collided with it.

“Come on, Ranboo, you’re doing great!” Eret shouted encouragingly, and Ranboo stumbled to his feet. The puck was on the other side of the rink again, darting from one person to the other. Tubbo went diving for it, smacked it so hard it slammed into Phil’s legs. Wilbur nodded, and Ranboo saw a quick thumbs-up from Techno before the man was smashing into Dream again.

They were, clearly, rougher than what Ranboo had expected.

Eret passed to him, and Ranboo sent the puck right to Tommy. The blond caught it, fired off a quick salute, and then actually jumped over Ant. Like, hand on his back, legs swung over the other man, jumped over him. “Hey! That’s a foul!” George immediately called.

“Not in the rules!” Schlatt said, hands cupped around his mouth and a smug grin on his face. Grinning wickedly, Tommy ducked underneath George’s arms, then went staggering when Minx ruthlessly slammed into him. He went skidding across the ice, slammed one of his guards against it and spun.

Still caught in just observing, Ranboo focused back on trying to take a step. He hadn’t moved that much. Honestly, he’d really just been dragged around by the others, which wasn’t _bad_ but he wished he could just be doing more.

Then the _Isle of Dream_ forwards got the puck, and Ranboo felt his heart drop to the ice underneath his shoes.

Regular shoes, having skates would be a disaster. Sucking in a breath, he glanced around and swallowed before ducking forwards. _What am I even supposed to do? Just stand there? Niki and Tubbo are defence—_

Tubbo bashed into Minx hard enough to send her flying, and her arms pinwheeled as she fought to keep her balance. Spoiler alert—she didn’t, and fell on her butt while spinning. A light chuckle fought its way out of Ranboo’s throat, dying out when he saw George charging forwards again. “Ranboo, spot switch!” Eret yelled, and then there was a hand on his back and shoving him forwards. Yelping, he landed on Ant while trying to compensate for the lost balance, knocking the cat to the ground.

Getting back to his feet shakily, Ranboo turned to see Tubbo dodge back, grab the puck from Eret, and subtly pass it to Niki. Ant and George, not seeing the play, went for him. Meanwhile, Dream attempted to get close to Niki, while Techno blocked him. “Watch Minx and Fundy! Ranboo!” Eret nodded for Fundy, and Ranboo nodded.

Glancing around, he planted a foot on the wall and kicked off, sliding towards Fundy and blocking him. The fox tried to duck around him, but Ranboo actually managed to get enough grip on the ice that he could feint like he was doing PVP. It wasn’t that different, just a lot more blocking. Laughing, he met Fundy’s gaze, saw the bright smile behind the metal grill protecting their faces.

“Fun, right?” Fundy offered. Nodding, Ranboo snapped forwards when he saw Eret duck by and send the puck flying to Wilbur. “Just let loose and have fun, it’ll be better that way!” The puck was sent to him, and Ranboo looked for an opening. Tommy waved his arms, caught his attention and jerked his head for Techno. Swallowing, Ranboo fired for Techno—

George grabbed it, though.

“Nice shot, Ranboo!” George said, and Ranboo wilted for a moment before recognising the fact there wasn’t any teasing in his tone.

Cheering, Sam shouted some more encouragement from the sidelines and Wilbur actually touched his shoulder as he slid past, patted him once. An alarm went off, nearly sending Ranboo teleporting to the scoreboards. “First round is over! Schlatt, you’re next main ref. Two minute break.” Phil ordered, and Ranboo slid over after the others.

“Having fun, ‘boo?” Niki asked as he skidded to a stop, frost building up on the outside of his boots. Nodding, he grinned at her, and the whole team laughed.

“Alright, team,” Wilbur said, gesturing to Techno, “Big T’s got a plan.”

The break was over quickly, and then they were back at it again. Skidding on the ice—Ranboo got close enough that Skeppy and Bad were actually trying to fend him and Tommy off, and he switched positions with Wilbur when Minx’s foot landed on the musician’s fingers. There was a bit more roughness to it, now that he was actually _really_ getting into the game. Darting around, sweeping the puck away from the others, laughing and grinning the whole time. People were cheering the teams on, gathering from around the server to watch the game even if it was just for fun.

Grabbing the puck, Ranboo ducked down and fired it to Tommy, who snatched it and sent it to Techno.

“Ran— _Ranboo! Move!”_ Eret warned, and Ranboo glanced to the side. The next second, he was smashed against the wall again, black and white dancing in his vision in an odd tango of pain as his breath left him again. Something smacked against his collarbone and his ribs, sending little firework rockets of pain under his skin, through his nerves. The next thing he knew, he was lying on his back on the ice, cold brushing against the back of his neck. Coughs rattled his chest, and he blinked a few times.

“Hey, hey, Ranboo, you’re alright.” A gloved hand wrapped around his, and he turned his head to the side. Eret was bent down next to him, Tommy and Wilbur skidding back. “Think you can get up?” Ranboo opened his mouth to say something as Wilbur and Phil approached.

“Alright, move over. You can keep holding his hand, Eret, don’t worry.” Frowning, Ranboo wrinkled his nose and reached up for his face, fingers brushing the helmet. “Hey, just take a few breaths. Can you say anything?”

A light shone in his eyes. _A little over the top, don’t you think?_ He mused, trying to move his head. Hands pressed him down for a second and the light left. “I’m okay.”

“Hey, let’s stop the game for today.” Someone, Dream, distantly said.

“You guys don’t have to stop for me.” Ranboo mumbled. “I’ll be fine.”

“Better safe than sorry.” Techno announced, sliding over as Phil braced a hand against Ranboo’s chest. “Dream, come check him over with that admin watch of yours.”

“On it. Schlatt, Karl, make sure everyone gets the equipment to the right racks. Anyone else who’s hurt, go to the medical room— _yes, that includes bruises and bloody knuckles._ At least get a bandaid or something.” Dream slid down, and Wilbur and Eret stepped back as much as they could. There was a weird light coming from Dream’s watch, and he stepped back. “No concussion or spinal injuries. Bruised collarbone and ribs though. Let’s get him back to the house, he can ice them there and we can just make some dinner.”

“We have chicken strips!” Bad yelled back, and Dream glanced at him.

“That sound good?” Nodding, Ranboo let himself be lifted by Techno, wincing as he tried to raise his arms. It was a bit awkward, seeing as Ranboo was basically Techno’s height. Apparently, he’d done the same thing with Wilbur and Tommy before, because Techno kept walking like nothing was different and had everything perfectly handled.

If Ranboo fell asleep or if he spaced out, he wasn’t sure.

The last thing he remembered was Techno carrying him, the landscape decorated with snow, and then he was on the couch in the server’s living room, laid out on his back with his head in someone’s lap and their fingers playing with his hair. “Hey, Ranboo. How you feeling?” Bad asked, and Ranboo blinked a few more times before tilting his head to the side. “You’ve been out for a couple hours.”

“What happened?” The scent of food hung heavy in the air, warm and welcoming and relaxing all at once. “Is that…cinnamon?”

“Someone brought a recipe with cinnamon and peach slices. Or maybe apricot, but I think it’s the first one. They’re making it right now, but I volunteered to watch over you in case…well, in case you woke up.” Bad’s voice was soft, almost made him want to drift off to sleep again. In the walls, though, he could hear the water rattling through the pipes. “Tommy and Tubbo are showing. Separately.” He added that last part at the look Ranboo gave him.

“There’s more than one shower in the house?”

“Oh, right. You don’t spend that much time here.” Taking a breath, Bad continued, “everyone has their own, like, mini-apartment. We have one for you, if you want it.”

“I don’t know.” Generally, he didn’t stay in one place very long. Just his thing. Always on the move, ready to leave at a moment’s notice like some kind of skittish bird. Or a deer. Maybe both.

“Well, if you ever decide you want it, you’re always welcome to come in. Want me to go get you some hot chocolate?” Bad’s words came as a bit of a shock, and Ranboo glanced at him. Instead of reacting like his mind briefly said was going to happen, Bad just smiled down at him.

“O-okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Awkward ending because I have yet another sinus headache! Whoo! Anyways, sorry for not responding to comments, I have been outlining books and to top it all off I ended up getting inspiration for a few new ones. It happens…a lot more than it should but whatever. I also finished up editing one of the novels, so now I gotta work on secondary edits of the other one and the rest of the outlines (there’s like four left but I gotta revamp an old idea and make it gayer) and then I can speedrun all of them by, like, hopefully next August. I wrote 225 pages in 5 days, a book in a month, and my typing speed is so fast Google Docs can’t keep up with me sometimes so don’t think I can’t. I will. (Also, working on replying to that one Mature fics’ comments, it’s pathetic of me but I’m still recovering from processing it)  
> Yes, I’ve played broom hockey, Small Hobo Potatoes was the team name of our junior high girls’ team (normally it’s girls v girls, guys v guys because it’s embarrassing when you’re a senior guy getting creamed by the freshman girl who couldn’t stand on the ice a second ago; also I think they don’t want to risk lawsuits and stuff), and we won the championship at the camp after one of our girls jumped over one of the other team and shot into the goal. Fun times. I’ve only played once, unfortunately, for a lot of reasons (some of my bullies got physical and I’ve had a coffee table thrown at me, which is why if someone held my hand I would probably melt into a puddle). Also, the mention of Phil ripping his pants while playing staff v. students is a reference to when my dad did the exact same thing on the staff v. counsellors thing.   
> Normally not like this but if you enjoyed the fic and/or want to see more crack (or if you're an anti who's going to scream at me about writing content about MCYT because it's bad or whatever), comment! Kudos! Bookmark, I don't care! And for the Antis--if you can call me something that's worse than what I've had told to me by better people, I will congratulate you.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the fic, and if you are the creators this message applies to you as well. Y’all are loved and appreciated and awesome and amazing, I hope you have a lovely day, and I hope to see you in the next one. Thanks for reading!


End file.
